I woke up this morning to find my baby boy smiling at me. Apparently he has been awake for quite some time and just waiting for me or his dad to wake up (he sleeps between me and hubby).
I automatically offered my breast for nursing. He seemed satisfied for some time, but after 30 minutes, became quite agitated already. He obviously needed more milk than my breast was currently offering.
A sleepy P got up to prepare the formula and he jokingly said before leaving the room 'Breastmilk na! No need to sterilize'. I know my hubby didn't mean to make that hirit hurt me, but it did. It does. Even till now, I suffer a severe case of breast-envy. I envy those mothers who have a lot of the magic milk to offer their babies. I envy those who have the luxury of not lugging around a large bag filled with formula bottles. I even envy those moms I see in coffee shops who are nursing their babies under their nursing bibs.
Right now I am still direct feeding and pumping (at work). While I would like to think I am supplementing BF with FF (positive thinking always!), I know if the quantities were measured, it is more like BF is the supplement. I hate that it has turned out this way.
When I was 5 months pregnant, I had already determined I would be exclusively breastfeeding our little P. I even bought the Medela pump from Amazon. P and I attended birth classes which also discussed breastfeeding. When I got to the nesting phase, I prepared all of our baby's stuff minus the sterilizer and bottles and formula. We never bought any! I even bought my nursing dresses
!
Looking back on the day I gave birth, I have a few regrets. Things I wish I did, or wished I had the courage to be more assertive. Maybe if I undid those, things would be different now and I wouldn't need Enfamil
or other formula milk.
1. I should have asked for baby P to nurse me after our OB stitched me up. I was told to do that during our birth classes. I don't know what made me forget to request for it.
2. I should have insisted the baby room in with us so I can breastfeed him at night. Unfortunately, my fear of breaking the baby (I couldn't lift the baby that time yet. I had to have the nurse give him to me. I was such a scaredy cat, I know!)
3. When we got home, I should have been more assertive to not take formula. Unfortunately, the first night we were home from the hospital, the baby couldn't get any and he was very VERY noisy. And I was made to feel (though they did not intend it to be that way I am sure) that if I did not give the baby formula, he would SUFFER. So my hubby had to rush to the store to buy formula, bottles and sterilizers. *sigh*
4. I should not have been too chicken when my nipples started to hurt from nursing. Even if I was too sore, I should have plodded on!
5. I should have read up more on nursing skeds, pumping skeds. I should have insisted my husband take the breastfeeding class too (he was absent for that one session as the dads were not 'mandatory'). I never thought to do much research because BF is natural, right? So it should be easy and come to me like instinct. And the books always said the milk would definitely come as the body would produce what the baby needed. *sigh* Quite misleading actually. It never mentioned about the milk coming late, about the pressure a new mom would feel to use formula when she couldn't see the milk, that babies cluster feed especially in the few days, and that in the first two weeks, your nipples would hurt like crazy!
I learned my mistakes on little P's fourth week. By then, my supply was dwindling, his appetite was rapidly increasing and my maternity leave days were winding down.
I'm still pumping (but not much). And I can direct feed from 5pm till 7am. But in between, my baby gets formula. I've taken all the fenugreek and malunggay pills I can. But I feel I am fighting a losing battle. I already know that on P's 6month, I might have to give up BF altogether. And already it is making me quite depressed.
It makes me more determined though, that for our next baby, he (or hopefully a she!) would be exclusively breastfed! :)
 |
| who could resist this smile at 7am? |
A sleepy P got up to prepare the formula and he jokingly said before leaving the room 'Breastmilk na! No need to sterilize'. I know my hubby didn't mean to make that hirit hurt me, but it did. It does. Even till now, I suffer a severe case of breast-envy. I envy those mothers who have a lot of the magic milk to offer their babies. I envy those who have the luxury of not lugging around a large bag filled with formula bottles. I even envy those moms I see in coffee shops who are nursing their babies under their nursing bibs.
Right now I am still direct feeding and pumping (at work). While I would like to think I am supplementing BF with FF (positive thinking always!), I know if the quantities were measured, it is more like BF is the supplement. I hate that it has turned out this way. When I was 5 months pregnant, I had already determined I would be exclusively breastfeeding our little P. I even bought the Medela pump from Amazon. P and I attended birth classes which also discussed breastfeeding. When I got to the nesting phase, I prepared all of our baby's stuff minus the sterilizer and bottles and formula. We never bought any! I even bought my nursing dresses
!Looking back on the day I gave birth, I have a few regrets. Things I wish I did, or wished I had the courage to be more assertive. Maybe if I undid those, things would be different now and I wouldn't need Enfamil
or other formula milk.1. I should have asked for baby P to nurse me after our OB stitched me up. I was told to do that during our birth classes. I don't know what made me forget to request for it.
2. I should have insisted the baby room in with us so I can breastfeed him at night. Unfortunately, my fear of breaking the baby (I couldn't lift the baby that time yet. I had to have the nurse give him to me. I was such a scaredy cat, I know!)
3. When we got home, I should have been more assertive to not take formula. Unfortunately, the first night we were home from the hospital, the baby couldn't get any and he was very VERY noisy. And I was made to feel (though they did not intend it to be that way I am sure) that if I did not give the baby formula, he would SUFFER. So my hubby had to rush to the store to buy formula, bottles and sterilizers. *sigh*
4. I should not have been too chicken when my nipples started to hurt from nursing. Even if I was too sore, I should have plodded on!
5. I should have read up more on nursing skeds, pumping skeds. I should have insisted my husband take the breastfeeding class too (he was absent for that one session as the dads were not 'mandatory'). I never thought to do much research because BF is natural, right? So it should be easy and come to me like instinct. And the books always said the milk would definitely come as the body would produce what the baby needed. *sigh* Quite misleading actually. It never mentioned about the milk coming late, about the pressure a new mom would feel to use formula when she couldn't see the milk, that babies cluster feed especially in the few days, and that in the first two weeks, your nipples would hurt like crazy!
I learned my mistakes on little P's fourth week. By then, my supply was dwindling, his appetite was rapidly increasing and my maternity leave days were winding down.
I'm still pumping (but not much). And I can direct feed from 5pm till 7am. But in between, my baby gets formula. I've taken all the fenugreek and malunggay pills I can. But I feel I am fighting a losing battle. I already know that on P's 6month, I might have to give up BF altogether. And already it is making me quite depressed.
It makes me more determined though, that for our next baby, he (or hopefully a she!) would be exclusively breastfed! :)
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